Oct 24 2008
Why Alcoholics Think They Know Better
“Yeah but I would rather…”
What makes recovery from alcoholism even more difficult than it is already?
The stubborn alcoholic who thinks he or she knows better than even the most experienced recovering alcoholic. It is a very real problem that can be a gateway to relapse. They can be given the best advice money can buy or experienced hearts can offer and they will modify this advice to suit their own timing and needs.
As alcoholics we can’t help this dangerous attitude, its part of who we are; it’s what we have been doing for most of our lives even before we began to drink excessively. Typically class ‘A’ control freaks, we thrive on being right and our opinion is the only one that matters. Humility is a foreign word not part of our vocabulary, thinking humility is for the weak and meek and that isn’t us.
When we finally understand that we have a severe problem with alcohol that needs to be treated, we’ve taken the first step to wellness but it takes much more than admitting we need help. In order to completely assist ourselves, we need to make an assessment of our personality and try and modify or completely overhaul who we were and what traits made us become alcoholic.
When we recognize these troublesome characteristics we must then make a concentrated effort to control the madness that we have spent years developing. This means being cognitive of these behavior defects on a daily basis. We must understand that our habit of drinking is caused by, amongst other things, our need to always be right. When we are aware of this fact we can then make an effort to stop ourselves when we feel the urge to speak rather than to listen.
Alcoholics are not or never have been great listeners. When we are in attendance at meetings or discussing alcoholism with an expert, we should focus our attention on those who are speaking from their hearts and try and learn from their experience. Our natural reaction is to place our own spin on what we are being told i.e. “you should avoid your old haunts and hang outs because of the pressure to return to your old habits when you’re in that environment”. Instead we will say “I don’t think it will matter too much if I just go once or twice a week to see the boys. When else would I see them otherwise”?
This kind of thinking has trapped many alcoholics into their unhealthy lifestyle for much longer than was ever necessary, yet it happens so often. Instead of thinking you know what’s best for yourself you must learn to let others do your thinking for you in the critical early stages of recovery. Controlling the urge to think you know better is very difficult, but take a deep breath and stay quiet long enough to absorb the experience from those who know better.
The good new is as you learn this control, you will also be developing a new maturity level without really realizing it. As you become more confident in your sobriety you will be able to make conscious decisions on your own based on new found wisdom and insight you never knew you had. You will become a better conversationalist and a much better listener.
As you pay your dues to sobriety you will begin to notice a change in yourself overall. You’ll understand that you don’t always have to be the center of the universe, and by sitting back and allowing others the center ring you will suddenly see how things used to be for you and feel a certain gratitude that you’ve grown. You won’t lose your ability to think or have an opinion anymore, you’ll just simply have developed better timing and a stronger skillset for dealing with various situations you now find yourself in.
This is all part of the process of healing your mind, body and spirit after these three integrated parts of you have been soaked in so much alcohol over the years. When you begin taking time for forethought and give others the chance to offer opinions, you can decide with a clear head for a change whether you agree or disagree with someone else’s view. Suddenly you get it! That strange feeling you are experiencing is a new level of mellowness and self improvement. Humility will follow naturally. The quiet acceptance of things not in your control. The feeling of calm in the emotional storm that can surround us daily if we aren’t careful.
The word humility should be tattooed on every alcoholic’s forehead so when they look in the mirror they are reminded of what they are trying to achieve and what’s at stake if they don’t find it.
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This is really a good page to use as a guide if you want to help those who might need it..
this is good. my soon to be ex husband did not listen to the people in treatment about hanging out at bars, etc. afterwards and he relapsed 2 weeks after. he is like you stated a know-it-all. very frustrating especially after being marriedf 31 years then to have to call it quits. also, after seeing him as a normal sober person then having it taken away from me. that was cruel