Comments on: The Functional Alcoholic http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/ Presented by FreedomFromAlcohol.com Thu, 14 Jan 2010 18:43:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Krissi B http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-8234 Krissi B Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:23:16 +0000 http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/#comment-8234 Dear Jenny, I could feel your pain when I was reading your letter. I, too, know how much the "love" comes into play in these situations. I have an alcoholic husband as well. The VERY BEST thing you can do, is locate you local Al-anon group and start attending as soon as possible. There, you will be around people who are dealing with the same thing and who understand COMPLETELY what this feels like. They are designed to help the families of addicts. Alcohol or other. Many of the people in my group are still with their addicts. The difference is the person has learned techniques and skills to cope with the situation. The single most important thing is TAKING CARE OF YOU. I know it is hard to take the focus off of them, when this has been going on for so long... but it is do-able! :) You can do this. And only then can you decide without co-dependence, if this is where you truly want to stay. Good luck, my sister. Krissi Dear Jenny,
I could feel your pain when I was reading your letter. I, too, know how much the “love” comes into play in these situations. I have an alcoholic husband as well.
The VERY BEST thing you can do, is locate you local Al-anon group and start attending as soon as possible. There, you will be around people who are dealing with the same thing and who understand COMPLETELY what this feels like. They are designed to help the families of addicts. Alcohol or other.
Many of the people in my group are still with their addicts. The difference is the person has learned techniques and skills to cope with the situation. The single most important thing is TAKING CARE OF YOU. I know it is hard to take the focus off of them, when this has been going on for so long… but it is do-able! :) You can do this. And only then can you decide without co-dependence, if this is where you truly want to stay.
Good luck, my sister.
Krissi

]]> By: peppermintpatty http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-7866 peppermintpatty Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:52:12 +0000 http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/#comment-7866 Run as fast as you can so you will be able to have hopes of a "normal" life. Run as fast as you can so you will be able to have hopes of a “normal” life.

]]> By: Jenny Whitson http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-7253 Jenny Whitson Sat, 02 May 2009 10:16:17 +0000 http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/#comment-7253 I've just read the above article and want to reply. My husband has been an alcoholic since before I knew him, he was recovering when I met him but he still drank, for the most of the five years together there has been a cycle of three to four months of sobriety and then a relapse which lasts between 2-3 weeks, he cleans up and it happens all over again, however the last year or so he hasn't had many relapses but he has still been drinking, every so often I search the house, he has some regualr hiding places, and I always find bottles, I show them to him, they get throw out, he promises it won't happen again and then two months later I search again and more bottles are there. He tries to hide it or lie to start with my making me believe that they must be old ones I never found, then after an hour or so he crumbles and says yes, he was drinking but not anymore, then after another hour or so he comes completely clean telling me yes, all the bottles are recent and he starts crying and telling me he's so sorry. I suffer from depression, for nearly 15 years of my life, and I do feel that when he's been discovered he uses my depression to fool me and make me feel guilty. I've recently discovered more bottles today and over the past few weeks noticed strange behaviour from him but put it out of my mind as he had spent weeks lecturing me on not trying to get better, making me feel awful when I have been trying to get happy, but it's so hard. Now I know that he has been drinking throughtout the day for weeks, I feel disappointed and betrayed that he was telling me all that, getting really nasty about it and incredibly harsh, telling me he will leave if I don't start being happy when he was probably laughing inside because he knew he was drinking and making a fool out if me. I feel that I'm fighting a losing battle and I'm either going to be miserable for the rest of my life or I leave him and I don't want to for all his drinking I love him. He's tried AA, ended up in hospital with liver failure and told he was going to die, been given antabuse, been made to take them but still some how got around it and antidepressants. It's like since he didn't die from drink, he feels he's invincible and just tries to push it, he's 40 and I'm scared. I'm only 26 and I don't think I should have to deal with this kind of thing. How do I help him, I always have to find out and comfront him, why doesn't he come to me when he starts drinking? Why does he have to play me all the time? How do I help him stop this? I’ve just read the above article and want to reply. My husband has been an alcoholic since before I knew him, he was recovering when I met him but he still drank, for the most of the five years together there has been a cycle of three to four months of sobriety and then a relapse which lasts between 2-3 weeks, he cleans up and it happens all over again, however the last year or so he hasn’t had many relapses but he has still been drinking, every so often I search the house, he has some regualr hiding places, and I always find bottles, I show them to him, they get throw out, he promises it won’t happen again and then two months later I search again and more bottles are there. He tries to hide it or lie to start with my making me believe that they must be old ones I never found, then after an hour or so he crumbles and says yes, he was drinking but not anymore, then after another hour or so he comes completely clean telling me yes, all the bottles are recent and he starts crying and telling me he’s so sorry. I suffer from depression, for nearly 15 years of my life, and I do feel that when he’s been discovered he uses my depression to fool me and make me feel guilty. I’ve recently discovered more bottles today and over the past few weeks noticed strange behaviour from him but put it out of my mind as he had spent weeks lecturing me on not trying to get better, making me feel awful when I have been trying to get happy, but it’s so hard. Now I know that he has been drinking throughtout the day for weeks, I feel disappointed and betrayed that he was telling me all that, getting really nasty about it and incredibly harsh, telling me he will leave if I don’t start being happy when he was probably laughing inside because he knew he was drinking and making a fool out if me. I feel that I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m either going to be miserable for the rest of my life or I leave him and I don’t want to for all his drinking I love him. He’s tried AA, ended up in hospital with liver failure and told he was going to die, been given antabuse, been made to take them but still some how got around it and antidepressants. It’s like since he didn’t die from drink, he feels he’s invincible and just tries to push it, he’s 40 and I’m scared. I’m only 26 and I don’t think I should have to deal with this kind of thing.

How do I help him, I always have to find out and comfront him, why doesn’t he come to me when he starts drinking? Why does he have to play me all the time? How do I help him stop this?

]]> By: Michael Pearlman, M.D. http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-5714 Michael Pearlman, M.D. Sun, 04 Jan 2009 14:53:36 +0000 http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/#comment-5714 Debbie, the heart of the 'problem' with your 'ex' - is, of course, that he doesn't think he has a problem. In situations like this it is important for you to take care of yourself and be very 'tough loving' about your limits and boundaries. Enabling an alcoholic can be as corrosive to you as to the alcoholic. Finally, when and if your 'ex' is ready - there are many paths out of addiction. They simply must be chosen as part and parcel of the desire that arises from being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Best wishes, Dr. Pearlman Debbie, the heart of the ‘problem’ with your ‘ex’ – is, of course, that he doesn’t think he has a problem. In situations like this it is important for you to take care of yourself and be very ‘tough loving’ about your limits and boundaries.
Enabling an alcoholic can be as corrosive to you as to the alcoholic.

Finally, when and if your ‘ex’ is ready – there are many paths out of addiction. They simply must be chosen as part and parcel of the desire that arises from being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Best wishes, Dr. Pearlman

]]> By: Debbie http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-5682 Debbie Thu, 01 Jan 2009 14:05:15 +0000 http://www.freedomfromalcohol.com/blog/2008/06/26/the-functional-alcoholic/#comment-5682 I think your program would be helpful. My ex-husband who I am currently with (know I say ex alcohol is the reason) has a problem and doesnt think he does how do I get him to get help? He is over 50 years old and he doesnt think he has a problem because he isnt living on the streets like a homeless person and he makes a good living. But when he starts rarely can he stop and lately he has been drinking everyday. And the mood changes wow huge. Thanks Debbie I think your program would be helpful. My ex-husband who I am currently with (know I say ex alcohol is the reason) has a problem and doesnt think he does how do I get him to get help? He is over 50 years old and he doesnt think he has a problem because he isnt living on the streets like a homeless person and he makes a good living. But when he starts rarely can he stop and lately he has been drinking everyday. And the mood changes wow huge.
Thanks
Debbie

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