Jun 26 2008
The Functional Alcoholic
As silly as this statement might sounds it definitely can be true. There are those alcoholics who drink but don’t necessarily get drunk. They do not exhibit drunken behavior and actually function adequately in public. They are still at risk for alcohol related illnesses such as heart problems, liver disease or cancers but to look at them they may appear to be pretty well normal. These are very dangerous alcoholics.
These heavy drinking, alcohol dependent people have built up a tolerance to alcohol and require large amounts to function and generally maintain enough of a “buzz” just to keep the demons away, the withdrawal symptoms that are sure to bedevil them within a short time after their last drink, maybe within 3 – 8 hours. The withdrawal symptoms for these types of alcoholics are generally quite severe with the worst of the symptoms lingering for up to and over a week after their last drink.
When in this state of alcoholism you are cognitive of the fact you have a problem, but are unlikely to seek treatment since you know how difficult it will be to go through the withdrawal. Hence you continue your life as normal, chronically drinking alcohol and functioning in daily life as normal as possible. The alcohol dependency has firmly gripped this person and only professional assistance and acute care will release its hold.
Amazingly, these types of alcoholics are everywhere. They could be working next you, driving in front of you in their car, perhaps your boss is this kind of imperceptible alcoholic. Often these tortured souls will fool even the closest people in their lives but eventually the secret breaks. This charade sometimes even continues after the person is exposed since chances are the person who recognizes that a problem exists will be codependent. Co-dependents will typically do whatever it takes to conceal the problem from public scrutiny.
The alcoholic most likely to keep this problem hidden is one without too much familial responsibility. They may be affluent and successful, able to control their own destiny to a large degree and they will enjoy a certain autonomy over their schedule. Money is certainly not an object since they will rack up quite a weekly tab of generally expensive drink. This is not to say less prosperous alcoholics won’t become the alcohol tolerant, secretive, yet full-blown functioning alcoholic. It’s just much harder for them to keep the secret.
The agony of the addiction at this point for an alcoholic is palpable. Imagine knowing what you are doing is killing you, potentially ruining relationships, threatening your career and tearing you apart morally and spiritually. As much as this highly functional alcoholic believes they are fooling those around them, others know something is wrong. They may just believe that something else is responsible for your erratic behavior.
As for undergoing turmoil both morally and spiritually, one must lie and con their way through their days to get their next drink or cover up the fact they’ve been drinking. Spiritually they begin to think they are omnipotent and the world revolves around them, doing whatever they want whenever they want to. If things don’t work out for them they simply drink some more and pull further away while doing so.
These alcoholic’s are not looking for attention and in fact avoid it at all costs. There are far more of this type of alcoholic about than one may think. Given the disgrace associated with being an alcoholic, when reaching this level of dependency, thoughts of suicide may exist either passively or proactively. When there doesn’t seem to be any way out their options appear limited. The longer this type of alcoholic continues to drink the more likely there will be a tragic outcome.
The paradox is that these alcoholics for the most part appear pretty well normal. Unless there are some determined and caring people in the life of these dysfunctional individuals, by the time the problem becomes public knowledge there has probably been much damage already done. Awareness is the key to assisting these people. If there is a noticeable change in behavior, it should be questioned. If the person becomes habitually tardy and this is out of character raise the issue.
A covert search of this person’s domain at work or at home will likely reveal hidden alcohol. If possible, examine their spending habits; alcohol in the amount we’re talking about here is not a small expenditure. A loved one may feel like they are invading this persons privacy, but drastic measures are necessary. There will be anger and resentment when this alcoholic is called to account and resistance is almost a certainty. Disregard their feelings at this stage and understand you are attempting to save their life.
If a formal intervention of some kind is carried out on the alcoholic’s behalf, they may seek treatment. The reality is they have been living their life without hope for so long treatment is a frightening prospect. Persistence and resolve on the part of family and friends is critical to this person seeing the light and doing the right thing. At the very least this alcoholic now knows everything has changed for them and their current reality is no longer their own. By being aggressive when approaching the alcoholic they at least now know their options and the hope is that any remaining common sense will prevail.
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I think your program would be helpful. My ex-husband who I am currently with (know I say ex alcohol is the reason) has a problem and doesnt think he does how do I get him to get help? He is over 50 years old and he doesnt think he has a problem because he isnt living on the streets like a homeless person and he makes a good living. But when he starts rarely can he stop and lately he has been drinking everyday. And the mood changes wow huge.
Thanks
Debbie
Debbie, the heart of the ‘problem’ with your ‘ex’ – is, of course, that he doesn’t think he has a problem. In situations like this it is important for you to take care of yourself and be very ‘tough loving’ about your limits and boundaries.
Enabling an alcoholic can be as corrosive to you as to the alcoholic.
Finally, when and if your ‘ex’ is ready – there are many paths out of addiction. They simply must be chosen as part and parcel of the desire that arises from being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Best wishes, Dr. Pearlman
I’ve just read the above article and want to reply. My husband has been an alcoholic since before I knew him, he was recovering when I met him but he still drank, for the most of the five years together there has been a cycle of three to four months of sobriety and then a relapse which lasts between 2-3 weeks, he cleans up and it happens all over again, however the last year or so he hasn’t had many relapses but he has still been drinking, every so often I search the house, he has some regualr hiding places, and I always find bottles, I show them to him, they get throw out, he promises it won’t happen again and then two months later I search again and more bottles are there. He tries to hide it or lie to start with my making me believe that they must be old ones I never found, then after an hour or so he crumbles and says yes, he was drinking but not anymore, then after another hour or so he comes completely clean telling me yes, all the bottles are recent and he starts crying and telling me he’s so sorry. I suffer from depression, for nearly 15 years of my life, and I do feel that when he’s been discovered he uses my depression to fool me and make me feel guilty. I’ve recently discovered more bottles today and over the past few weeks noticed strange behaviour from him but put it out of my mind as he had spent weeks lecturing me on not trying to get better, making me feel awful when I have been trying to get happy, but it’s so hard. Now I know that he has been drinking throughtout the day for weeks, I feel disappointed and betrayed that he was telling me all that, getting really nasty about it and incredibly harsh, telling me he will leave if I don’t start being happy when he was probably laughing inside because he knew he was drinking and making a fool out if me. I feel that I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m either going to be miserable for the rest of my life or I leave him and I don’t want to for all his drinking I love him. He’s tried AA, ended up in hospital with liver failure and told he was going to die, been given antabuse, been made to take them but still some how got around it and antidepressants. It’s like since he didn’t die from drink, he feels he’s invincible and just tries to push it, he’s 40 and I’m scared. I’m only 26 and I don’t think I should have to deal with this kind of thing.
How do I help him, I always have to find out and comfront him, why doesn’t he come to me when he starts drinking? Why does he have to play me all the time? How do I help him stop this?
Run as fast as you can so you will be able to have hopes of a “normal” life.
Dear Jenny,
You can do this. And only then can you decide without co-dependence, if this is where you truly want to stay.
I could feel your pain when I was reading your letter. I, too, know how much the “love” comes into play in these situations. I have an alcoholic husband as well.
The VERY BEST thing you can do, is locate you local Al-anon group and start attending as soon as possible. There, you will be around people who are dealing with the same thing and who understand COMPLETELY what this feels like. They are designed to help the families of addicts. Alcohol or other.
Many of the people in my group are still with their addicts. The difference is the person has learned techniques and skills to cope with the situation. The single most important thing is TAKING CARE OF YOU. I know it is hard to take the focus off of them, when this has been going on for so long… but it is do-able!
Good luck, my sister.
Krissi