Jun 23 2008
Codependency And The Problem Drinker
Problem drinkers appreciate having a codependent [CD] person allied with them during their drinking spree. This codependent will unwittingly do whatever is necessary to assist the drinker in their pursuit of alcoholism, often at the expense of their own health and well-being. They will in effect, “run interference” for the problem drinker making sure everything appears copasetic to the outside world.
When a problem drinker is functioning both at work and at home, often the codependent behavior extends into the workplace. Co-workers and executive assistants can be drawn into this net of codependency by covering for the problem drinker at work, scheduling business around their “happy hours” and making excuses for them. If they are not assisting in the cover up they may well just avoid the drinker altogether which in a sense is a form of CD behavior. Better, they should confront the problem drinker and insist he or she get some assistance.
The problem drinker who takes pleasure in the enabling behavior of family and friends who seek to minimize an obvious drinking problem, have a much higher risk of developing a full blown alcoholism problem. The natural reaction from a codependent is to hide the problem or hide from the problem, perhaps seeking answers for something very different from the obvious problem of alcohol abuse.
Problem drinking at home means many an entire immediate family goes into damage control mode when one or the other spouse or parent drinks too much. Often children will take on the CD role and clean up after the drinker, help them to bed, make them meals when food is the last thing on their mind. Codependent children often suffer from unseen stress because of this protective role and things like health and grades begin to suffer. This stress may also lead to escapism on the part of the young person possibly leading to his or her own problems with addiction.
Spouses really are the classic CD, generally tolerating the situation the longest out of their love for the damaged person. Spouses have been known to go to extreme lengths to confine the drinking problem within the four corners of the home. They do what they believe is necessary to keep the family unit together, regardless of the risk to the dysfunctional individual.
This codependent behavior will often go unrecognized and can result in severe consequences for the CD person. The degrees of CD behavior vary quite a lot but there are common characteristics. They will go above and beyond to care for and cover for others, often going to tremendous lengths paying attention to the actions and feelings of the dysfunctional, disregarding their own needs. Codependents are always reacting to the needs of the dysfunctional drinker and paying sparse attention to their own requirements.
Obvious signs of codependency are: worrying and anxiety, “bending over backwards” to take care of others, not knowing or not trusting one’s own feelings, feeling guilty for “not doing enough,” and feeling isolated or depressed. Codependents are known to stay in bad relationships or perhaps sabotage those with potential, have trouble with emotional intimacy and experience sexual problems. CD’s also exhibit a lack of energy and suffer from low self-esteem.
For the codependent, it’s all about the rescue mission when in fact they are nurturing and extending the dysfunctional behavior. They exhibit the classic enabling behavior by lending the problem drinker money, lying for them, making excuses for them and even doing their jobs for them or covering responsibilities. This only makes an obvious situation as some may see it, much more harmful, prolonging the inevitable for the problem drinker.
Eventually the codependent person begins to display anger and resentment toward the dysfunctional and begin nagging the problem drinker to change or modify their behavior but often to no avail. The only person who can really change is the addict or dysfunctional individual and by their own admission. Those who suffer from codependent behavior should seek their own help and learn to live a life free from other people’s burdens.
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