May 27 2008
Time To Clean Your House of ALL Alcohol
So you’ve decided to take the pledge. Or maybe you just decided it’s time you started controlling your alcohol consumption better.Congratulations!
There are some simple steps to take that will make it easier for you to reach your goal of modified or total abstention from drinking. Your compulsion to drink could become obsessive in the early stages, washing over you in waves like wild surf.
If your spouse is still drinking, even socially, watching as they nurse their drink like a child with their first ice cream cone of summer makes it worse. At this crucial time in your recovery, your spouse should abstain from drinking in front of you until you are better able to deal with others drinking around you.
Anyone who doesn’t understand your situation and support your recovery should be shifted from friend to casual acquaintance status straight away. As for your personal situation, you must make adjustments to the “alcohol environment” in your home. If you are fortunate enough to be able to plan your recovery in advance, then your life will be much easier if your spouse takes an active role in your improvement. They must be willing to aid you in any way possible, especially in the early stages. This means not drinking in your presence or abstaining altogether as a show of support.
Many problem drinkers will attempt to modify their drinking, trying to manage it and return to a more social type of drinker. There are programs available that can assist with this transformation and it works for some. However if the compulsion to drink remains strong and you find yourself slipping into past destructive patterns, then its time to seriously consider abstaining from alcohol altogether.
Modified drinking habits may be easier to attain if you remove all alcohol from your home. Taking away the ease of availability to your alcohol will force you to drink only in more social settings i.e. restaurants. If by limiting your access to alcohol you find you are going to extraordinary means to include it in your daily life, well common sense should tell you modification isn’t for you.
That leaves abstaining, and because this is a difficult thing to do, you will need full cooperation from family, close friends and yourself. You will need to display a certain amount of selfishness from a purely self preservation standpoint. If avoiding alcohol puts you at odds with anyone, so be it. Your recovery comes first. Now more than ever you must have spousal support to make your quitting alcohol more manageable. You will want to remove any trace of alcohol from your home and that includes full or partially drank bottles.
Removing all the bottles from a liquor cabinet and pouring them out can be challenging, yet also very cathartic. From a therapeutic standpoint it can be liberating and affirming all at once, backing up your commitment to quit alcohol and remove all temptation from your immediate reach. While you’re at it, throw away the emergency supply you may have stashed in your closet or garage. Throw it all out!
There comes a point when you must act on the seriousness of your situation. Depending on your consumption, those around you need to understand the potentially life and death struggle you are undertaking by quitting drinking. This is a critical time in your recovery and you need to give yourself every chance of success.
For modified drinking behavior, the very fact you recognized a problem existed and it may have been developing in severity means you will be susceptible to the lure of alcohol while trying to change your behavior. Why would you make it that much more difficult on you by keeping the alcohol in close proximity?
When you choose to seize control of your drinking either by abstaining or modification, sanitizing your home of all alcohol, making it an “alcohol free zone” will give you a fighting chance at success.
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Hi Dr. Pearlman, This is David, from the Forum.
This is exactly what we did for my son after the family intervened to pull his head from the sand. I had no idea we had such a large stock pile first of all. That was my first surprise.
My second shocker was the number of stashes on top of this that were hidden around the house. Seeing each of the hidden half empty bottles was a heart wrenching experience. My son knew what he was doing was over the top - thats why he hid it.
Since that time things have gotten better. I want to trust my son again but I just dont know if I can; we had almost a case of vodka hidden in the house and I had no idea! I believe in him, and that keeps me going.
Any words of wisdom or advice?
David it’s great hearing from you and I’m happy to hear things are improving, however, alcoholism is a resilient disease and it is important to take care of your own well-being - and allow your son his ’space’ to recover - even if that means another living arrangement.
I have just ordered a new book by Chris Prentiss who worked succesfully with his son’s alcoholism - even creating his own treatment center: The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure: A Holistic Approach to Total Recovery. I trust you will get something from this book.
I also suggest that you ask any direct questions on the Ask Dr. Pearlman forum.
I hope this is helpful and - of course - to repeat, your well-being is primary in your work with and support of your son. Best of luck,
Warmest regards, Michael
Dr. Pearlman,
Thanks for the responce and kind words. It an uphill battle for all of us.
Ill take a look at the book, it looks interesting.
The concept of being an intercal part of my son’s recovery never really dawned on me. I feel somewhat short sighted, but of course your right. I’ve got to continue to believe - even when he does not.
This is a healing process - and we will get though it.
Thank you again.
I have just discovered your blog, and the material is just excellent!
I agree with you the battle starts with taking the pledge, but naturally it’s the begining of a hard upward hill, yet rewarding
Thanks for helping people healing themselves, just what we do at Centro Marenostrum in Spain
Regards.
hi,
This is very useful. To everybody.
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MARTIN
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Alcoholism, also known as “alcohol dependence,” is a disease.
What is the best way to try and quit by yourself? If recently moved and do not have friends ro family close by what is the best approach?
TryingtobeSober, the best ready made, “off the shelf” program is Alcoholics Anonymous. It is readily available, and has a wealth of information and wonderful people ready and eager to help you. Further, there are many excellent alcohol treatment programs and treatment providers as resources.
The most important thing I see, when I read a comment like this, is the readiness and willingness to take action - and that is everything. There are so many resources and tools for someone who is ready to take the next step. I look forward to hearing of your progress as you move forward.