Apr 24 2008
Personality Flaws While Drinking Offer Hope in Recovery
There are some obvious character flaws in alcoholics which aren’t constructive in the least. One of these is self pity, ie., always blaming something or someone for where you are presently in your dismal life etc. Immaturity is another personality flaw which isn’t useful as a recovery tool. An alcoholic’s behavior for the most part is seen as a measure of the person’s character shortcomings and not so much as symptoms of a disease.
You may have heard some alcoholics described as pushy, strong willed, stubborn, egotistical and controlling. Being self centered is yet another apparent failing, though this trait can make a difference as an alcoholic or problem drinker makes their way through the difficulties of recovery.
So how can these apparently detestable attributes actually assist an alcoholic with their recovery?
One individual mentioned that after his intervention, he’d heard his brother told others in the family that he truly believed that he’d be just fine, if for no other reason than they knew him to be a competitive, hard headed and stubborn S.O.B. who would take hold of the challenge with his teeth, kick the problem with all of the salt he could muster. As this individual’s recovery progressed, it was particularly difficult and the tough parts seemed endless because of health reasons. A lesser person may have yielded to the snails pace of physical healing but he persevered through sheer audacity until finally reaping the promised serenity and well being he’d heard so much about.
Stories like this are likely more common than they seem, but there is good reason for hope if more people recognize that their apparent weaknesses can actually aid in their recovery.
If an alcoholic is perceived to be egotistical, perhaps that ego can be massaged by the promise of how important it is for them to make a full recovery since their presence at work is greatly missed, or perhaps it’s imperative for them to get back to health because they are counted on by so many, and there is a serious requirement for them to return to past glory etc. For an alcoholic with allusions of grandeur and who may be somewhat full of themselves, this kind of motivation could be just the kind of tonic they need.
Digging deep and utilizing those character traits that brought out the worst in the drinker, can now bring out their best. Successful recovery will be a defining benchmark in their life and also perhaps their finest moment. And it’s all due to a personality flaw that became dreadfully overexposed while in the throes of alcohol.
Of course it takes a certain type of individual to realize this on their own while in early stage recovery, so it may be up to those who know them best to tactfully and tenderly point this out to them for the desired effect.
Another believed morally repugnant character failing is being self-centered. This “me first” attitude can also be very helpful in recovery if an alcoholic is coming from a personal situation that is dysfunctional. If the risk of relapse appears likely based on past relationships or circumstances noticeably present in early recovery, then drastic measures may be necessary. An example of this could be if dysfunctional family members are needlessly pressuring the recovering alcoholic to revert to past behavior. They must be selfishly ignored for the alcoholics own good until they are strong enough to deal with the situation at another time.
This isn’t an easy task for anyone, but a self centered person will understand the importance of this to themselves, their emotional well being and their recovery and will probably feel little remorse since it’s a favorable solution that’s beneficial to them. There is nothing wrong with being self-centered if it’s for the greater good, in this case sobriety. Nothing should interfere with sobriety; there is not anything more important to the alcoholic. Hurt feelings can be repaired AFTER the recovering alcoholic is comfortable in their skin and with their non drinking status.
Again, the alcoholic may need to be reminded of these points during their earliest recovery but they will understand where you are coming from since they will be familiar with the qualities you speak of. They will also be grasping for any degree of constructive advice you can offer, but only if they trust you. The person who reminds them of their strengths should also be someone they admire and perhaps even love.
As important as it is to get treatment and counseling for the alcoholic, it is just as important to fortify the soul of the alcoholic to assist them in the darker hours of early recovery. Regardless of what method of treatment is chosen by or for the alcoholic, there will be difficult times to endure. This is when having the ability to draw on strong internal resources for support, to be able to confront anxieties, overcome the compulsion to drink and defeat the impulse to feel sorry for one’s self, are so critical.
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