Nov 16 2007
Carol’s Drinking Story – Part 2
As unconventional as it was, having an intervention for Carol even though she was 30 days sober seemed like the right thing to do. It was obvious to her family she wasn’t taking rehab seriously, at least not doing it for her. Each previous stint in rehab ended with her reacting poorly to her stressors and succumbing to her addiction, leaving her young family and crashing with her siblings.
She had them driving her to pick up her booze, giving her a room to sleep one off and feeding her when she decided to eat something. They loved their sister but she was beginning to cause drama in their lives and families. 5 days from now all this was going to change.
John had been a recovering alcoholic for 15 years when he was asked to assist the Coleman family with Carol’s alcohol problem. He was happy to do what he could to help but they only had limited time to formulate an action plan. He would need to get the entire family involved including her husband Paul. Given the strained relationship with Carol’s family this would be no easy task.
A meeting was set for the following evening at older sister Trish’s home and when everyone settled in the living room to begin Paul wasn’t there. John was informed that Paul did not want to attend because he couldn’t be bothered by yet another attempt to help his wife and he was sick of it. He was staying home with their kids and besides she would soon be leaving treatment and sounded like she might be okay this time.
Disappointed that the most important person in Carol’s life wasn’t attending John explained how this would affect the overall plan of trying to help Carol. He pressed on with the discussion saying each one of them would speak to Carol from the heart about what they loved about her and how her drinking was making them feel. They would also show support for her attempts at sobriety but that they would no longer be there for her if she failed this time.
Individually each member of the family was given a pad of paper and pen to write out what they wanted to say to Carol and John read each of them and made any necessary adjustments. It became obvious that Carol’s mother was having trouble with the whole idea even though the others were enthusiastically on board. She became emotional and said she couldn’t shut her daughter out of her life if she failed. Her love for her daughter was evident as was her naiveté’. John politely told her that he understood her position but that if she didn’t follow the plan she risked ruining the effectiveness of it so she couldn’t attend the intervention. She seemed relieved.
It was obvious as the night progressed that this intercession was becoming more about the families sanity than the alcoholics. They wanted to tell her they were upset with her and that she was interfering with their lives and that of their own families. She was a poor example for her nieces and nephews and they were tired of her coming over plastered at all hours. They’d all had it.
John just let them all spill out their anger and when he sensed they had enough of Carol bashing he started to remind them of why they were there and that Carol needed to know they still loved her. He told them that she could not possibly save herself unless she was given no other choices, even then it may not matter. They had to do what they could to help her now. The fact that she was already sober would work in their favor since she would have a clear head and understand everyone’s intentions were genuine.
The plan was set and everything was in place. In the event that things boiled over John would pull Carol out of the melee’ and drive her to a coffee shop around the corner to give her the straight facts about her life and the tragedy it was becoming. Carols three brothers were instructed to deal with Paul prior to the meeting and convince him to drive her straight to Trish’s house upon her release from the rehab center. This soon turned into only one brother dealing with Paul as there were no guarantees made that the other two weren’t going to punch Paul’s lights out if the meeting with him failed. John was hesitant to send the oldest brother as he made the biggest fuss about Carol infringing on his family. Quite simply he seemed to be the most tired of it all.
John had successfully handled 3 other interventions with families of alcoholics and each went according to plan. This one was the most difficult by far. Before he was about to leave his house to meet Carol and her family. The oldest Brother called him to say that things had changed and that after talking man to man, Paul decided he was going to handle the entire intervention thing on his own with a friend of his fathers who was 30 years sober. They didn’t have a plan in place but that he would get around to it. He felt it was better to have Carol speak to someone HE knew in intimate surroundings without her family present.
The brother put up little resistance to Paul and left. John was thanked for his help and that they had learned quite a bit from him. They couldn’t be more grateful to him for trying to help the family.
Putting the receiver back in the cradle John simply shook his head and wondered why he put himself through all this turmoil and decided he needed to learn how to say no when it came to helping other alcoholics since he took it all so personally. He also knew that wasn’t likely to happen since he had pledged to help suffering alcoholics achieve sobriety.
John recently heard from his brother that Carol started drinking 2 weeks after she was released from her program. She was kicked out of her house by Paul and as hard as it was to do she was sent packing by each of her siblings. Almost 49 years old now Carol’s health is failing while staying at her mother’s apartment sleeping on the couch. She has not seen her kids since she was thrown out and they don’t want to see her in her current state.
There are four times as many problem drinkers as there are full blown alcoholics. Their next drink could be the one that turns their life into Carol’s nightmare.
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